So as you can see, I've returned to blogging. I won't really give a reason why because honestly, I don't even know the reason why. However, here I am. I'm just going to jump right into this.
Tolerance. That word right there. It bugs me. It's supposed to have a good connotation and it's supposed to be a sign of acceptance and an open mind. The antonym to bigotry, if you will. But. I'm going to be honest here and say that I HATE that word. It seems like saying, "I tolerate what you believe," is just awful to me. If it had a flavor, it would be like sour milk, strawberries, and whey protein. (Just a hint, it's not a good combination.)
Toleration does not mean acceptance. I tolerate the fact that mosquitoes think of me as a buffet. (Except they die right after they bite me. Seriously. I have witnesses.) I tolerate the fact that I am ridiculously afraid of germs. (But I get sick less often now.) I tolerate the fact that I'll never be able to fulfill all of my ambitions if I continue down the path I've been subconsciously following for a while now.
Guess how much I accept all of those things I "tolerate"? Yeah, the answer is zero.
I really just do not like that word. I'm not going to walk up to someone and say, "I tolerate you." That just sounds completely awful. "Hi, I know that you believe completely differently than I do, but I just want you to know that I tolerate you."
Does that not sound absolutely condescending and/or mean? Goodness gracious. I think I dislike the whole concept of "toleration" than I dislike the concept of a closed mind.
Well....not really. But toleration is kind of like feeling nothing at all, especially no love. Because let's be honest here, what means more? "Hey, I tolerate you" or "Hey, I just want you to know that I love you"?
Toleration is not acceptance, and I can't allow myself to tolerate that fact. I admit that I am not as loving as I should be at times, so this isn't a hypocritical rant. (Or at least, I'm trying not to let it turn into that.) I admit that there are certain people who just get under my skin. I also admit that I HATE that. I hate that I allow myself to make exceptions to the whole, "Lift everyone up" thing. In fact, I know that there are a few people that I have torn down...and not by accident.
For this, I want to apologize.
I don't want to create a subconscious list of the people I love vs. the people I tolerate. There should only be one list, a list of love. In other words, my own version of LOL. (Yeah, I'm so creative, right?)
I'm sick of telling myself that I'm not a "tolerator", when I am. But the beauty of realizing this is that I have love, aka God, on my side. Now, I'm not the most faithful person in the world, but I am probably one of the most stubborn. I refuse to become a being of toleration instead of a being of love. Even if my faith lags at times...which it does...I can rely on my God given stubbornness to keep me semi on point on this.
I'm not going to guarantee to be perfect. That's impossible. But I can at least try to love everyone else more than I do now. I know that there is plenty of room in my heart for more. Even if some find that my heart is not a place where they want to be, which I would definitely understand. So toleration still leaves that taste of sour milk, strawberries, and whey protein in my mouth, but at least I'm attempting (that being the key word) not to tolerate toleration anymore. I accept that.
I don't really know why I wrote this...so I guess I'm going to try my hand at shutting up now. No need to beat a dead horse. (Both literally and figuratively...)
