Confession: I didn't believe in God until I was 13.

Before I found God, I went to church with my friends, I sang the worship songs, I went to Sunday School. I still didn't believe. I felt like if there was a God, He ignored me. I suppose you could've classified me as an Agnostic. I wasn't sure if there was a God or not, but I believed that I'd find out when I died.

I kept this a secret...or at least, I attempted to. I grew up in the South, where there is a church on almost every street corner. Christianity became a mask for me; if I pretended to be a Christian, I was safe.

I was baffled by those who seemed to have Faith without doubts. "Seemed" is the operative word. I thought that Christians had no doubts, and that was what made me different, that was what made me think that I was banned from believing (which is totally ridiculous.) If I wanted a Faith, I wanted one with no doubts. I wanted evidence and certainty. I didn't know that Faith wasn't based on being certain. I knew the dictionary definition of Faith, but not the concept itself.

Anyways, it wasn't until I went to church camp in 8th Grade that I formed a grasp of Faith. I know it's kind of typical to be Saved at church camp.... but to me, being Saved at any time is the right time. It didn't feel typical to me, although some tell me that being Saved at church camp is predictable. Finding God was like a flash of life changing lightning, except it was bigger, brighter, and it altered me eternally.

When I was Saved isn't the type of thing you'd read about in a book. I walked up to the stage, fell to my knees, and cried my eyes out. My nose was running and my knees were killing me, but I'd never felt so good in my entire life.

That just so happened to be the day my roommates decided to fix me up for worship. (I never wear make-up. Like...ever. Only when I'm on stage or when I go to formal events.) By the end of the night, I had mascara running down my cheeks. It was not pretty.

The beauty of it, though, was that I didn't care. I knew that I looked awful, but I felt beautiful. I felt like a princess which, coincidentally, I was. God was and is my King, and as His daughter, that makes me a princess.

Ephesians 1: 3-14

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

 ¹¹In him we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. ¹³And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gowe were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that spel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Another part that I remember was that my friends at camp knew immediately. They took one look at me, smiled, and hugged me tightly. Maybe I had a new glow, I don't know. But they knew.

The change in me was instantaneous. In that moment, I went from living for myself to living only for God. I went from being a girl filled with anger to a girl brimming with compassion. I became the girl I am today: the girl who loves God above all else. The girl who just wants to help. The Wannabe Missionary. (And yes, I will include that fact in many of my posts.)

Thanks for reading! I'll try to keep the posts from being boring from now on.... haha.