Inspiration Train Station

Each day, I find something new to inspire me. Some days, it's a book that has me questioning how much I could take in my life. Other days, it's posts from those who I consider my friends, though they do not know me personally. Katie, Jamie, and Jason. But with each form of inspiration, I find myself moved, just as I should be. For example, Katie recently lost one of her 14 daughters to their birth mother. 

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html

As I sat there and read it, weeks ago, I couldn't help but want to beat my fists on the ground and scream about how unfair it was. I wanted to go to Uganda and hug Katie tightly. I have met Katie, and I can honestly say that I have never met someone I emulate more than her. Aside from Jesus, obviously. But she's not even in her mid-twenties and yet she has these wonderful children under her wing. 14 of them...well, 13 now. 14 are still in her heart, but only 13 are in her home.

My heart shattered.

I am sitting here writing this, and I can't help but think about what I would do if it were me. Honestly, I have no answer to that. I don't know what I would do, but I do know that I would not let that daughter go without a fight. I would let her go if and only if God wanted it. And that post hit me so hard because I knew that it might be me when I grow up. I can't even fully bear the thought right now. Honestly, it tears me to bits.

Behold, a form of inspiration.

I realized that Katie, Jamie, and Jason are just like me: people who put their words out there, not knowing who will read them or if they'll make an impact. Frankly, I have no clue who is reading this. Mainly, I wrote this to hold myself accountable and to create a form of a diary of my spiritual journey. I was shocked by how many I saw were reading this.

As I saw the numbers swiftly climb, I felt myself feeling less alone. Not because I knew who was reading this, but because someone was. Someone was listening to me. Someone might actually be inspired by my words, just as I have been inspired by others. Want to know what crossed my mind when I thought that? "Crap. What if I say something wrong?"

Well, needless to say, that thought passed quickly. I realized that the only thing I could do wrong would be if I were to screen my thoughts. Someone is going to find something wrong with every post, just as I hope that someone finds something right with every post.

So this is me, telling it like it is. You can be inspired, you can be horrified or annoyed. You can even call it chicken salad, I don't care. I used to be so terrified of inspiring, to be honest. But it's your choice as to if you want to listen to me. I'm just a 16 year old girl who has no idea what she's doing. Seriously. I step blindly on a path laid by God. "This will be my story. This will be my song."

I'm no different from any other teenagers you may encounter. In fact, I'm probably much more idiotic than the norm. I have no clue why you're reading this.

But you are. I promise that I'll be completely honest, even if it's ugly. Which...it pretty much always is. 

This was probably all over the place. Sorry. And yes, the title was only because it rhymed :)