This just made my day.

So I was researching for my AP US History project about Philanthropy and a very small article popped up in Google. I was curious, so I clicked the link, and this is what I found:


"One of the saddest things I've heard came from a woman, about ten years ago, who approached me after I returned from visiting our mission work in Asia. This woman, a grandma, said she thought it was neat that I was able to go, and said, 'When I was young, I felt God calling me to be a missionary. But, well, I ended up getting married and having kids, and it never happened.' There was a definite tone of regret in her voice. She had lived a good life. But...what might have been? I think that question still plagued her, 40 years later. Instead of pursuing a glorious calling, she got married and raised good kids, who are now also raising good kids, and I'm sure those kids will grow up and raise good kids. Good, successful, comfortable, respectable, non-risk-taking kids. Which is better: that our society have all of these good church-going progeny, or that instead this woman, as a scared but obedient young woman, had gone to Africa and perhaps died there a few years later?"


I can't really explain why this touches my heart, but it does. Probably because I know what this woman went through and the choice she had to make because I am currently making that choice. For me, I know that not being a missionary isn't an option. It's a part of who I am. But what if I changed my mind? (Which, I won't, but I'm speaking hypothetically.) 


I don't begrudge this woman her decision. I truly don't. Why? Because I know how hard that decision is. I may be 16, but the same question pops into my head every day: What would I become if I didn't go to Africa?

I know that I can't give you an answer because I am afraid to imagine it. I am afraid of being tempted to change my mind. Actually, afraid is an understatement. I'm terrified. 

I wish I could meet this woman. I want to hug her.